What Does Human Custom Say IF,,,
by MelodiousBloodshed
Summary: Karkat needs advice from John, but Dave is over. Seeing as the two of them are the cause of his dilimma, he's a little wary of entering the lions' den, so to speak. And he has good reason to be. Threeway, PWP, epic fail first attempt at JohnKarDave.


"…" Karkat sighed and lifted his hand to knock, hesitating and repeating this until a pale hand darted past his head to knock. "Just talk to him, fuckass~," Jade sing-songed as she walked past, and he glared. Damn her for having a copy of their keys. "Come in!" John almost laughed, and Karkat did so.

"…" The raven-haired ninteen-year-old was laying on his bed, head hanging off to look at the troll. His shirt had ridden up to show some of his stomach, but Karkat stayed strong, and let his eyes dart to the room's other occupant. The blond had a pair of headphones around his neck, trademark shades on even in the darkness of John's room. "What's up, Karkat?" The blue-eyed derp asked with a grin, and the addressee shook his head. "It can wait. I wasn't aware you had company."

Dave snorted softly, shaking his head. "Hey, nothing you can't say in front of me, trust me. I've heard some pretty trippy shit." 'Hanging out with Gamzee will do that to you.' The thought was unbidden, but true. "It's private." The sunglasses were slipped down so Dave could give him a speculative glance over them, presenting a teasing glance at red-pink eyes. "I'll find out eventually anyway."

…This was why his presence was a problem. Shit. Gogdamn him and his sexiness.

"…I'm sure you will." What else could he say? It did involve him.

"Just come over here and sit down-Dave can hear, he won't tell anyone." John's baby blues flicked to the other human, who nodded. Hesitantly, Karkat sat in the middle of the open space separating the two and heaved a sigh. "…You see, I have a dilemma," he began wearily, and got an encouraging nod. "…What would…the custom be if one liked two people at once, exactly the same amount?"

A ghost of a smile flickered across Dave's lips, and he replied, "Go for whoever is the most responsive." "They're both responsive." "Try both." "How would I go about selecting one or the other for the first attempt?" A full-on smirk this time, and the albino replied, "You don't. You 'select' both at once."

A charcoal brow rose and its owner let out a noise of shock as the youngest Egbert took advantage of his averted attention, arms slinging around his waist and tugging him back between his legs and against his chest-when the fuck had he sat up? "Like this." And with that unspoken permission, Dave moved so he was between Karkat's legs, smirking at the shock on his face. "B-but-! H-how can-?"

"You can't kiss or be inside both at once, or have them inside you all at once without pain, but a relationship like this uses one of the basic instructions followed in childhood: _share nicely_." John nipped along one ear gently as Dave murmured into the other, quickly joining his friend in his task. Four hands slid over the troll's chest and back, and he squirmed almost uncomfortably at the invasion as his shirt was lifted, the nibbling and sucking stopping just long enough to get it over his head.

One set of hands moved down the flat of his stomach and the other set split between one of his horns and a dark grey areola, both boiling his blood in a pleasant way he couldn't describe with even the most eloquent, florid language. Dave trailed down his chest and bit at the nipple unattended by John's hand, making the poor troll beween them arch, head falling back on John's shoulder as a fang pierced through his lip. "Don't hold back," the raven-haired prankster whispered to him, and he let out a quiet whine. "Your sister is here, fuckass, she'll hear."

"She already knows or she wouldn't have sent you in," he replied, and nibbled down his neck, teeth sinking in when he found a place he deemed perfect to mark. A loud mewl ripped itself from him and Dave sniggered against his stomach, nibbling down the planes of the expanse. "I guess you really are a Karkitty, huh? Did you hear that, bro?"

"In surround sound." John's response was purr-like, and Karkat would've said something had a pale hand not wrapped around his bone bulge and stroked hard, drawing another cry from the Knight of Blood. John's hands left him for a moment, and bleary grey eyes opened, their owner about to ask why, only to find the hands resituated at his waist, undoing the button of Karkat's jeans as well as tugging down the zip.

Dave withdrew his hand and John's took its place as the offending clothing was pulled away and the last of the gray skin was uncovered. John slid a finger over Karkat's slit and studied the liquid on his fingers. "What do you know? It is red." Dave moved back up and red eyes locked with blue as their owner took the other's fingers in his mouth and licked the substance away. "Terezi's on to something here," he concluded, licking his lips when he'd pulled away.

John started up stroking again, but his idle hand slid further down, brows meeting his hairline when it met more wetness. Amusement came across Dave's face as he retraced his earlier path down the troll and nipped around his naval. "It makes sense," he hummed, "And if I thought of it, I know you will. Think for a moment." "It would make sense, with matesprits being of opposite or same sex." "Right." Dave slid his tongue down Karkat's length and earned a high-pitched whine, kissing the tip before taking the other completely in his mouth. Karkat's shout was muffled as John tugged his head back and captured his lips, tongue insistently prodding at the crease of his lips.

He gladly let the other commence sloppy makeouts, kissing back just as hard though he was yelling half the time, trembling hips now held still by John's firm grip as he brunet sucked on his bleeding lip. Tugged back against him so tightly, he could feel the evidence of his arousal and as such rolled his hips back instead of forward, relishing the jump and groan it drew. Dave chuckled around him and the vibrations drove him half crazy, hips slamming forward and back as much as he could against his lover's hands.

"He's going to lose it if you keep that up," John laughed, and Dave pulled away with a wet slurp. "D-damnit…," Karkat panted, "You two are…going to make me wait…? You're…not even undressed…" The blond smirked and shook his head. "There's a huge advantage to being shared." He pulled open a drawer in John's bedside table, drawing out a cock ring and snapping it at the other's base. "Little to no time without pleasure." And as he yanked his shirt over his head and set his glasses and headphones on the bedside table, Karkat was drawn to produce yet more kittenish noises. Skinny jeans were pushed off along with red, white, and black boxers, and as soon as one warm body joined him, the other withdrew.

Dave slammed their mouths together roughly, a soul-searing, claiming kiss, and he rolled his hips against Karkat's as though he'd always had the right to do so, had done so a million times before, and he wasn't disappointed with the powerful rock in counterpoint he received in return. John was back with them just as quickly as he'd left, and the three writhed together in blind passion for a moment before the brunet snagged Karkat's leg and pulled it back over his, sliding two fingers into his nook.

At the same time, Dave rocked his hips against Karkat's again, and together they drew the first scream. The grey chest trapped between their pink ones was heaving, its owner letting out little 'oh!'s as the fingers were slid in and out languidly, then another scream as through unspoken agreement, hips snapped together and fingers darted up hard. "MORE! Gog_damn_it, more!" Angry words spoken in a desperate whimper, and John hummed, "You first," withdrawing his fingers and pushing Karkat's leg over the other's hip before Dave buried himself deep inside the troll, another cry piercing the air and the neighbors' eardrums.

John chuckled and leaned forward to press his lips to Dave's, hand sliding down to stroke Karkat in time with the blond's thrusts as he shallowly rolled his hips against the troll's back. "J…jesus, he's tight," Dave pretty much growled against the other human's mouth, biting harder at his lips and moaning in gratitude when the comment just prompted the other to squeeze him, hips rolling opposite his. Sandwiched between the two as they kissed, Karkat probably should've felt extremely awkward, but he leaned forward and closed his mouth around the albino's neck, careful of his teeth as he sucked and licked at his neck and muffled himself against the skin, gasping loudly when the other's release hit his inner walls, hot and filling.

Still aching but prevented from release by the ring around his bone bulge, Karkat whined when the other withdrew, clinging to him because of half-forgotten instinct. The blond shook his head with a small smile, tired and dazed and half sleep-drunk now that he'd exerted his energy, and the troll was gingerly turned over to face John. He gave the smaller male an almost embarrassed smile and admitted, "I want to see your eyes, " and the chance for a cutting retort was stolen when he was refilled and his cries started up again.

He hated, _hated,_ _HATED_ that he was so vocal, but with the Heir of Breath grinning at him with the response and kissing him gently, he couldn't really bring himself to worry about it as he slung his arms around his neck and tightened his hands in his hair. Completely juxtapose to the tenderness in the kiss, the movements of his hips were rapid, jerking into the cradle of the other's body quickly and letting out a soft noise of shock amongst his moans when the alien wrapped his legs completely around his waist, rocking in counterpoint for John the way he had for Dave.

The blond was snuggled up behind him, body flush to his as he nuzzled at his neck, leaving lovebites scattered across the expanse. When he knew John was reaching fever pitch, he popped the cock ring off Karkat and the Alternian came hard, red splattering across both his and John's chests as his eyes glazed and widened. His nook tightened almost painfully around his lover and soon, the brunet's spunk joined the Knight's in the other's still-clenching orifice.

For a moment there was nothing but panting and the wet smack of Dave's mouth against Karkat's neck. When the other two were down from their high, Karkat lunged forward and demanded a kiss, diving downward once he was satisfied and leaving a large hickey on John's neck as he had Dave just earlier, still weary of his fangs. He pulled away and tipped his head back, hands going from their place in John's hair to the blond's and dragging him into a kiss as well.

John withdrew hesitantly, not wanting them to be glued together when they woke up but missing the feeling of being in the other, and latched his mouth over one of the marks Dave had made, returning the favor and making it bigger, much darker. Though he supposed he should be pissed off-there was no way in hell he could say those were anything but hickeys, and he couldn't exactly easily hide them-Karkat was happy with the marks, and when he pulled away from Dave, he lifted a hand to ghost over them, hissing quietly at the sting but smiling nonetheless.

John slid his arms around Kar's waist to settle on Dave's and nuzzled into the troll's neck, letting out a quiet burble of 'thanks' when Dave tugged the blankets over them, snagged John's glasses to set on the bedside table, and put his arms around Karkat to let them rest around John's shoulders. They dozed off, and for the first time since coming to Earth from Alternia, Karkat felt at peace.

_**A/N: I don't even. I just like JohnKat and think Dave is hot as hell, thus making a total awesome sandwich. =3= I will say however, that SOMEONE is going to have a ball trying to get the red out of John's sheets. I hope you enjoyed, because it was a pleasant challenge-three penises! Three! How the fuck even do you work with that easily?-and I really had a blast writing it. I know and acknowledge that it is one of the crappiest threesome fics in existence, but it's my first, so you guys can go fill a pail.**_

_**Oh, to answer a question related to that, they don't have a bucket, nor do they need one. I figure that because they have a different way of reproducing on Alternia, the buckets would be useless on earth unless the user actually wanted to reproduce. Seeing as these three are in college and will not be thinking of such things yet (*glares at them meaningfully*), THEY NEED NO BUCKET OR PAIL. =3=**_


End file.
